The College Life Read online

  “I’m not getting back with Gabe,” I finally tell her very sternly. “Gabe is already sleeping with other girls. Lots of other girls. Besides, I’m not in love with him. I’m a freshman in college. I want to have fun, have friends, and not worry about having a boyfriend.”

  “Good for you,” Jack says to me. “Sometimes I think I missed out in college by being with Libby. We were high school sweethearts, you know?”

  Libby glares at him.

  Jack puts his arm around her. “Dear, you know I didn’t mean anything bad by that. You know I love you and wouldn’t take our time together back for anything. It’s just that, I’ve been in a relationship with you since I was... what... fifteen? And I went straight from living with my parents to living with you. I think it’s smart to have a little single time before jumping into a marriage. Remember how hard it was for us?”

  “Yeah,” she says. “I just want Gabe to be happy. He deserves a good girl. Now I worry about with whom he will end up. I guess I just hoped it would be Kihanna.”

  This is so awkward.

  “Well, she said she’s not in love with him,” Jack says. “So, let’s leave it at that.”

  An awkward silence falls over the table. Thankfully, Toby comes to my rescue.

  “So how was your first week at college?” Toby asks.

  He already knows the answer to this.

  Let’s see—I broke up with my boyfriend. And said boyfriend got drunk and slept with another girl, practically the same night. I had to pick him up. And then pretty much every night since then he’s been with other girls. I’m going to say it’s been awful.

  “It’s been great,” I say, sort of lying, but sort of not. “Classes have been great. Ty and I even have a class together.”

  “What class?” Dad asks.

  My face warms. “Human sexuality.”

  Toby laughs hard. “You two are in a sex class together? That’s freaking hilarious.”

  “Sex class?” my dad asks. “I thought you were going for film studies.”

  “I am,” I say. “But this class looked fun, and it gives me a credit. I thought I’d take that to give me a break from all the boring classes I have to take—like college algebra. So far, it’s a really interesting class. I like the teacher. She is hilarious.”

  “I don’t know,” Dad says. “I don’t like you taking that...”

  Veronica cuts him off. “Come on, Mark. She’s doing so well in school and she’s never done anything to make you question her judgment. You should just trust her.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Weren’t you in college when Kihanna’s mom got pregnant?” Veronica asks him.

  Dad looks at me. “Just don’t get pregnant.”

  “I won’t,” I promise. “I love Kailee, but she is way too much work. I couldn’t do it.”

  “Work?” Toby says. “All she does it poop, sleep, and eat. The other day I was holding her and she peed on me. Right through her diaper. Ever since then, I’ve been too scared to hold her for long.”

  I laugh. “Way to go, Kailee.”

  Toby glares at me.

  “She won’t sleep like this for long,” Veronica says. “I’m getting in all the sleep I can now, because I know I won’t be sleeping much when she gets older. I’ll have to run after her all the time.”

  “Are you going to get a nanny?” Libby asks Veronica.

  At first, I’m shocked by her question. Why would Veronica need a nanny to watch Kailee? But then again, she doesn’t have a lot of help. Toby might come hold Kailee for a bit, but I know for a fact he doesn’t change diapers.

  “We haven’t decided, yet,” Veronica says. “It might be nice to have some help, but I don’t want somebody else to raise my baby.”

  “I wish I could be around to help more,” I say.

  “It’s not too late,” Dad says. “I can call a few colleges, get you somewhere close to home. I’m sure I could get them to make an exception.”

  “No, Dad,” I say “I like Berkeley. I’ve already made friends there. I don’t want to change schools. Besides, I kind of like living in a dorm room.”

  “That’s because you don’t have to share,” Ty says.

  “Not like Gabe’s been in your room at all this week,” I say, kind of feeling grateful that I don’t have a roommate. I don’t think I would like it.

  “Gabe hasn’t been sleeping in the dorm?” Libby asks, clearly concerned. “Is he okay? Are the living situations that horrific? He hasn’t said anything to me.”

  “He’s been sleeping in various sorority houses and dorm rooms,” Ty tells her. “Though, I highly doubt that there is much sleeping going on.”

  Jack and Libby give each other concerned looks.

  “If it makes you feel any better, he’s been home each morning in time to get ready for class,” Ty says.

  “I didn’t realize Gabe was having such a hard time,” Libby says. “Kihanna, maybe you can talk him into coming home with you next weekend.”

  “I’m actually not coming next weekend,” I tell her. “I have plans already. But maybe the following weekend.”

  “What plans?” Ty asks, looking a little bit panicked. “You don’t have a date or anything, right?”

  “No. Carter wants me to meet his girlfriend, Julie,” I say. “She’s a model.”

  “Next weekend?” Toby asks, grinning. “I’m so there.”

  “Carter and Julie have been together for about five years now. I highly doubt they’re going to break up so you can have sex with her,” I tell Toby. “And please, if you come, don’t do anything to embarrass me.”

  “Me, embarrass you?” Toby asks, feigning innocence.

  “I’m worried about Gabe,” Libby says to Jack. “His heart must be broken. He is so in love with Kihanna.”

  I try not to pay attention to what she’s saying.

  I pull out my phone and check my Staying Connected page. I don’t have any notifications or messages. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. On one hand, I feel like I do have a life outside of social media. But on the other hand, I haven’t seen some of my friends since I graduated high school. Shouldn’t we at least be trying to keep in contact with each other? Especially now that summer is over. I mean, sure, Courtney commented on my relationship change status, but that’s it.

  Unfortunately, checking my social media doesn’t hold much of a distraction.

  “Gabe will be fine,” I hear Jack say back to Libby. “Having your heart broken is just part of being a teenager.”

  “I know,” Libby says. I can hear the sadness in her voice. She sniffles, and I feel like crap. I made her cry. “I just don’t want Gabe to hurt.”

  Oh, my God.

  Not only did I break the heart of Gabe, but I broke his mom’s heart too. Ugh, I shouldn’t have to suffer through this. Maybe I could pretend to be sick and I could go home early. But I really want some blackened salmon.

  “Gabe isn’t innocent in this,” Jack says firmly. “It’s obvious that he’s moved on... several times. And it’s not as if Gabe hasn’t broken a girl’s heart before. This will all work out for the best, you’ll see.”

  Libby sniffs. “I know. You’re right.”

  I look over at Ty who is obviously trying not to laugh. I guess my pain is humorous to him.

  And it’s official—I’m never dating again. I will join a church. I’m not even Catholic, but I will become a nun. Eh, maybe not. That sounds a bit extreme. Besides, I like guys. I enjoyed dating Gabe. And someday, I will find a guy I will want to be with. Hopefully his parents won’t be friends with my dad. And if we don’t work out, our break up can be normal.

  Why did I date Gabe, again?

  Oh, right.

  I was in love with him.

  And I still do love him. Just... not enough. Or maybe, I just love me more, I don’t know. But, what I do know is that I don’t regret it. Even sitting here, listening to his mom cry about us breaking up, I’m still glad it happened. Neither of us
was ready to be that serious. And I don’t regret one second of our relationship. We had a great summer in Tahiti, but summer is over. It’s time for a new chapter in my life. I just wonder where this chapter will take me.

  Toby belches really loud, and Veronica glares at him.

  Through all the changes, it’s nice to know that some things never change.

  Like awkward family dinners.

  Sunday, September 2

  7 p.m.

  I need to find me.

  I am kind of excited to get back to campus Sunday afternoon. I figured it would be hard to leave, but the second time was easier. I kissed Kailee a ton of times, though she was asleep so she didn’t even know it.

  The drive back with Ty actually wasn’t bad. Ty didn’t try to hit on me or seduce me for the whole hour drive. Shocking, I know, but Ty is capable of being a gentleman when he wants to be. The problem is he normally doesn’t want to be.

  When I get back to my dorm, I spend about an hour studying for a test. It’s not until Wednesday, but I want to do well. Ty tells me that there is another sorority party, but I decide not to go to this one. I’m kind of wondering how those girls ever study. Or sleep. Once again, I’m glad I have a whole room to myself. There is nobody to distract me when I’m trying to study.

  After studying, I put on my work out clothes and go to the gym. When I get there, I get on the treadmill and set a nice steady pace. I’m about to put on my headphones when somebody gets on the treadmill beside me. I look over to see Andrea, the girl I met at the party on Monday night.

  Andrea is wearing an awesome shirt that says Book Boyfriends > Real Boyfriends. “I love the shirt,” I tell her.

  “Thanks,” she says, and looks down to see what she’s wearing. She probably has a closet full of shirts just like this one. “So, did you work out your guy drama?”

  “Never,” I say, shaking my head.

  “If only real guys were as good as guys in books.”

  “If only,” I agree. “Do you think people can change?”

  “In what way?” she asks.

  “Well, Gabe, my ex-boyfriend, was a man whore before he met me. He slept around a lot and didn’t really care who he hurt. But when he met me, he changed. I mean, even before we dated he stopped sleeping around. And we broke up once before and he didn’t sleep with anybody else the whole three months we were broken up. But now that we’ve broken up this time, he’s already back to his old ways.”

  “Maybe he realizes that it’s really over this time,” Andrea says. “It sounds like he just changed for you. But I don’t think changing for somebody is a good thing.”

  “Yeah, maybe,” I say, considering what she’s saying.

  Are Gabe and I really over? I mean, I knew we were, but hearing her say it out loud hurts. I guess maybe a small part of me thought we’d eventually get back together. Or maybe I hoped it would happen. Gabe was my first love. It’s hard to let that go. But then again, I guess it’s called heartbreak for a reason.

  “You should just do what makes you happy. Forget your ex-boyfriend,” she says. “Focus on you and what makes you happy.”

  I sigh. “I don’t even know what makes me happy anymore.”

  “Well, figure it out,” she says, then slips on her headphones.

  I put on my own headphones and truly consider what she said. I have been so wrapped up in my drama from last year with my stalker and my relationships that I’ve completely forgotten about me. I need to find me again.

  And so, I will.

  One piece at a time.

  Friday, September 7

  6 p.m.

  So. Not. Going. There.

  Friday afternoon, Andrea and I meet Carter, Julie and Eric at a restaurant off campus. I invited Toby, but he wanted to stay on campus and party with Gabe. I don’t even want to know what the two of them are doing. Ty had to go back to Mountain View for some legal stuff. A lot of crap is going on with his dad and stepmom so he has a late meeting tonight. He will be driving back to campus first thing in the morning. Part of me wishes I could go with him for moral support, but there really isn’t anything I can do. I hate that he has to face this all alone.

  I meet Andrea outside of the dorms. Tonight, she is wearing a t-shirt that says Gingers Have Souls.

  I laugh. “You’re a blonde.”

  She shrugs. “I know. Doesn’t mean I don’t support the ginger movement.”

  “You are so weird.”

  “I know,” she says casually.

  We walk towards my car. When I unlock it, she stops walking.

  “Are you okay?” I ask.

  “You have a Range Rover?” she asks.

  I nod.

  “It’s... brand new...”

  “Yeah,” I say.

  “How can you afford a car like this?”

  “I can’t,” I say. “My dad can.”

  “Right.”

  We get in the car without another word and I’m suddenly grateful we traded my Porsche in for this car. I’m sick of explaining who my dad is. Though Carter seemed to take it well, I’m not sure Andrea would. Besides, I kind of like that she thinks I’m just a normal girl. Well, I am normal. But also, not normal. I mean obviously having a billionaire dad isn’t normal, but I was raised very normal. I feel normal most of the time.

  “Your dad must be rich,” Andrea says once we take off. “This car even smells new.”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I say back. “I didn’t ask for a new vehicle.”

  “Ugh,” she says. “And you’re nice. This sucks. I kind of want to hate you right now.”

  “You want to hate me?”

  “Yeah,” she says. “First of all, you’re gorgeous. I mean, you know that. And I mean this in a non-lesbian way, but you’re probably the hottest girl I’ve ever met. And your ex-boyfriend, the flirty one, Ty, right? Anyway, he’s hot and obviously not over you. And now, I find out you’re rich. I hate myself for even wanting to hate you. I mean, I hate it when girls don’t like another girl because she’s prettier or thinner or whatever, but I can’t help it.”

  “Do you not want to be my friend anymore?” I ask, feeling confused.

  “Of course I do,” she says. “I was just being honest.”

  “You hate me?”

  “No,” she answer. “I want to hate you, but I don’t. You’re awesome. And you’re the first friend I’ve made at Berkeley.”

  “Okay,” I say, feeling relieved. Then I smile at what she said. “You think I’m hot?”

  She rolls her eyes. “I can tell that is going to go to your head, but yeah. If I were into vaginas, I’d be all over that.”

  I laugh. “That’s probably the best compliment I’ve ever gotten.”

  “You know you’re hot,” she says.

  “So not,” I say back. “Before my senior year, I had never even kissed a guy. I’ve had, like, three boyfriends in my life; one of them stalked me for nine months and I never knew it.”

  “You were stalked?”

  “Yeah,” I say. “Technically my stalker was Ty’s dad, Mike Newman, but he paid Brian, my ex-boyfriend, to stalk me. It’s kind of complicated to explain.”

  Her mouth falls open. “Mike Newman as in the senator? Or, I guess he’s not the senator now.”

  “Yes, that Mike Newman.”

  “I heard he was in jail for murder,” she says.

  “He is. He murdered his wife, tried to murder me and all my friends, and he paid people to kill for him,” I say.

  “And you dated his son,” she says. “Wait. Ty is his son?”

  “Yep.”

  “And Ty lives with your family, right?” she asks.

  I nod.

  “Wow,” she says. “That is complicated.”

  “Ty actually saved my life. He shot his dad to save me,” I tell her. “My dad feels like he owes Ty for that. And I like having Ty around. He doesn’t have any other family. Most of the time he feels like family to me. He was always around anyway.”

  “Oh
my God,” Andrea says. “You’re so not over Ty.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask. “I’m so over Ty. We broke up about ten months ago. Since him, I’ve dated Gabe twice, and I dated Brian. I’d say that ship sailed long ago. Besides, he cheated on me the whole time we were together. I can’t take him back. He’d just do it again.”

  As I say the words, I doubt them.

  Ty has changed a lot since we dated. He’s had to change. After everything with his dad...

  I don’t think Ty would cheat on me if we dated again.

  But we won’t date again.

  So. Not. Going. There.

  “You’re blushing,” she says. I can hear the smile in her voice, but I don’t turn to look at her.

  I grip the steering wheel tighter. “Ty and I are only friends.”

  “Keep telling yourself that.”

  I turn into the restaurant. “I want to be single right now. I can’t jump into another relationship this soon.”

  “I didn’t say you had to commit to the guy,” she says. “I just said you’re not over him. And he’s obviously not over you.”

  I park the car and take off my seatbelt.

  I’m eager to get out of the car.

  “You’re a good best friend to have,” Andrea says.

  “Why is that?” I ask.

  “Because you clearly need me,” she answers, with a mischievous smile on her face. “You need somebody to be brutally honest with you.”

  With that, she gets out of the car.

  And I’m thinking she’s right.

  I’m also glad she self-proclaimed herself my best friend. I have a feeling she is going to be a good best friend.

  7 p.m.

  I’ll be waiting naked in your dorm room.

  Andrea and I walk inside and get a table. Carter, Julie and Eric aren’t here, yet, so we just order a couple of drinks. After that deep conversation in the car, I’m sort of wishing I were old enough to order an alcoholic beverage, but it’s probably good that I’m not. Instead, I get a Dr. Pepper. So much for trying to get healthier.