I Need You Read online

  “I’d say yes, but really, this is probably the most normal thing that had happened over the past few months,” I answer. I used to, considering hanging out with Brian was my normal. Until I found out he was the one behind all this. Now I realize that my normal was anything but normal.

  “Are you going to get back with Gabe?”

  “Why doesn’t everybody keep asking me that?”

  Toby shrugs. “I don’t know. I guess we all just expect it. Unless you’re going to get back with Ty.”

  I laugh. “That’s definitely not happening. And why does everybody think I need a boyfriend. I don’t. I’m just fine on my own.”

  Though I do wish I had friends… I mean, I have them. But I wish I had girl friends. Olivia’s not here. Ariana moved away. And I haven’t heard from Courtney or Victoria in a long time. They came to my birthday party, but I didn’t really get a chance to talk to them before Gabe kidnapped me.

  “Hey, I’m not saying you have to have a boyfriend,” he says. “I’m more than happy to fulfill any… needs you might have.”

  “I just vomited in my mouth,” I say dryly.

  “You know we’re not actually related.”

  “In less than four months we will share a little sister. I’m pretty sure that bonds us by blood.”

  “Can’t hate me for trying,” he says, laughing.

  I know that Toby doesn’t really want to have sex with me. But I wonder what he’d do if I agreed. He expects me to decline him every time. Maybe I will have to say yes just once to mess with him.

  Toby gets up and does a cannonball into the water. Some of it splashes me, so I let out a squeal.

  “Toby!” I yell.

  He laughs.

  I watch Gabe as he comes out of the water and notice that he has a six pack. He definitely didn’t have that when we were dating, not that he looked bad then or anything, but he looks really good now. He walks over and takes a seat beside me.

  “Since when do you have a six pack?” I ask him.

  He grins big. “You’ve been checking me out?”

  This would embarrass me if it was anybody besides Gabe, but we have enough history that I can admit to checking him out.

  “You’re not wearing a shirt,” I say. “It’s kind of hard not to notice. You look good.”

  “Thanks,” he says, sitting back and stretching out his legs. “So you and I were going to have a conversation about why you dumped me over Christmas break. And don’t give me some crap about the stalker. You and I both know if you would’ve wanted to be with me bad enough you would’ve fought.”

  “I know.” I sigh. “Fine. The truth this time. I got scared. Your mom was basically planning our wedding and I freaked out. I’m eighteen. I don’t want to be in a serious relationship.”

  “So you jumped from a too serious relationship with me into a too serious relationship with a twenty-one year old…”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be serious with Brian. He wanted way more from our relationship than me. I mean, I truly thought that I was in love with him. He had my heart. To be honest, he still has a part of it. Maybe he always will.” I sit forward in the chair, putting my legs over towards the side that Gabe is sitting on. “Maybe Ty is right. I always run.”

  Not too long ago, Ty told me that I would be breaking up with Brian soon. Of course, neither of us foresaw that the reason would be that he’s my stalker. Ty thought I’d break up with him because I always run when the other person falls in love with me. Not that Ty is the best person to give relationship advice. He obviously has commitment issues too.

  “Gabe, I’m really sorry that I hurt you. For what it’s worth, I really was in love with you.”

  He smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Well, for what it’s worth, I’m still in love with you.”

  If Brian broke my heart, Gabe just shattered it. Like into a million tiny pieces.

  I will literally never recover from what he just said.

  Before I can respond to what Gabe said, he gets up, throws me over his shoulder, and jumps into the pool.

  We don’t talk about stalkers, love, or anything serious the rest of that afternoon.

  Friday, April 27

  7 p.m.

  I need you.

  The rest of my week is pretty much spent the same way.

  I sleep in Toby’s room, because I’m scared to sleep alone. We wake up. Do school work. Then in the afternoon, Ty and Gabe come over to hang out.

  Gabe and I haven’t had any more serious conversations, thankfully. But I also haven’t stopped thinking about what he said. He’s in love with me. I just… can’t even comprehend it. How could he have any feelings for me, besides hatred? That’s what I deserve. I basically used him, and then dumped him because I got scared.

  Brian still isn’t talking. We know that he was working for somebody, but we don’t know who. The detective has offered him plea bargains, but he isn’t budging. While they are interrogating him, they are trying to see if they can trace the money Brian got. So far, there hasn’t been any leads, and it’s very frustrating. I just want to be not under house arrest anymore.

  Tonight there is a party at Emmett’s house, but I can’t go. Toby can, but I can’t. So pretty much while Ty, Gabe, and Toby are at a party, I’m sitting in Toby’s room bored out of my mind.

  There is a knock on Toby’s door.

  “Come in,” I say.

  The door opens, and Gabe walks in. He shuts the door behind him.

  “You still won’t go in your room?” he asks.

  I shake my head. “Not alone. I just keep thinking about that video… Of Brian watching me sleep…” I shiver, thinking about it. I wonder if I will ever be not scared.

  “I understand,” he says, then he comes to the head of the bed and stretches out beside me.

  “You aren’t going to Emmett’s party?” I ask.

  “I figured it wouldn’t be fair.”

  “Gabe…” I say, but then stop. I’m not sure what to say. He doesn’t owe this to me, but he already knows that. He knows exactly how I feel. He came here because he’s a nice guy… Because he’s in love with me. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” he says, then reaches over me to the table beside me. He grabs the remote to the TV and the Xbox. His face is inches from mine, and his arm is grazing against my stomach, but he doesn’t seem at all affected. Once he has the remotes, he rolls back to his side of the bed.

  My heart is beating wild and fast against my chest.

  How was he not affected at all?

  And why was I affected?

  Obviously because I have just been through a traumatic experience. I’m still going through it, actually. I just found out my boyfriend is really a psycho. So obviously that is making me feel things I shouldn’t.

  Yep. That’s it.

  “Kihanna?” Gabe says. I can tell by his tone that he’s said my name more than once.

  “What?” I ask and look at his lips. Which is a mistake. Because I know he’s saying something, but my brain doesn’t comprehend it. I shut my eyes and lean back against the pillow.

  “Are you feeling okay?” he asks.

  Without opening my eyes, I nod my head.

  “You’re acting weird.”

  “We just… haven’t been this close… this alone… this… in a bed… in a while.” Okay, now my sentences are making no sense.

  “Are you uncomfortable? We can move to the basement,” he says. “We can sit on the couch… Separate couches, even…”

  “No. I didn’t say this was bad. I mean… it’s kind of nice. Being in bed. With you.” I bite my lip. “Wow, that came out all wrong.”

  Gabe looks at me. He has a huge smile on his face. “I think it’s kind of nice being in bed with you too. I’ve missed this. A lot. I’ve dreamed about this very scenario many times, though we were doing a lot more than just talking.”

  Yeah, this isn’t awkward at all.

  “Maybe I shouldn’t have
said that,” he says.

  “Maybe,” I agree.

  I look at Gabe and think about how much I’ve missed him over the past few months. We went from boyfriend-girlfriend to not talking at all, and it sucked. Now that we’re talking again, it’s brought back all my old feelings and emotions. And while part of me knows it’s wrong… the other part of me really wants to kiss Gabe right now.

  The logical side says to stop. Gabe is in love with me. It will only hurt him worse.

  But the hormonal side of me says we can deal with the repercussions later. Right now, our lips need to be touching.

  Apparently Gabe feels the same way, because I watch him lean over. He doesn’t hesitate before his lips touch mine. He gives me the softest kiss imaginable, then he backs away. He looks at me, as if he’s wanting my approval. I give him a slight nod.

  His lips crash into mine once more, but this kiss is anything but soft. This kiss is making up for the past three months. With this kiss he’s telling me just how much he’s missed me and just how much he wants me… Maybe just how much he loves me, but I ignore the part of my brain that says that. I don’t focus on anything but the feel of his lips and the taste of his tongue.

  Gabe pulls me on top of his lap, never breaking the kiss. I can feel just how bad he wants me. I grind my hips into him and let out a soft moan. Any thoughts of stopping are completely gone. Now, all I can think is how much I want this — want him.

  I feel his hand graze bare skin on my stomach, and I deepen the kiss, begging him to keep touching me. I never want this moment to stop.

  “Gabe,” I say against his lips.

  “Yeah?”

  “I want you.”

  He pulls away from my lips and looks at me. He’s breathing heavy, and I can see the desire in his blue eyes. “Kihanna, I need you.”

  I put my lips back on his, and he pulls me closer. So close. Not close enough.

  Gabe’s hand slowly trails higher and higher.

  “I really hope you two weren’t planning on having sex in my bed.” I hear Toby’s voice.

  I pull away from Gabe’s lips, but don’t get off his lap. My heart is beating fast and hard against my chest, and I’m extremely disappointed that the moment was ruined. Part of me wants to grab Gabe and pull him into my bedroom so we can finish this.

  “I thought you were at Emmett’s party,” I say, once I am able to breathe normally.

  “I felt bad leaving you here all alone,” he says. “I didn’t know Gabe would be keeping you company. Though I’m glad I interrupted this. I would have to burn my mattress if you two would’ve had sex. So what happened to not getting back together?”

  “We were just…” My voice trails off. What were we just doing?

  Oh God, I’m a terrible person. Gabriel is in love with me and I almost just had sex with him. I can’t mess with his feelings like this. What was I thinking?

  “We were just about to have really epic sex when you interrupted,” Gabe answers for me. “Thanks a lot, Toby.”

  “But why in my bed? You have a perfectly good bed in your room.”

  “I don’t really want to go in my room. Ever again,” I say.

  “I know,” Toby says. “But you need to get over your fear. I happen to like my room. And my bed.”

  I get off of Gabe’s lap and sit on the bed. I should be thankful that Toby interrupted us, but I’m not. I just want Toby to leave so we can finish what we started.

  “I’m going to go back to Emmett’s party, since you are obviously fine on your own,” Toby says. “But please, for the love of God, don’t have sex on my bed. That’s just so wrong. You’re my sister.”

  “Okay, I won’t,” I say.

  “Promise me.”

  “I promise.”

  Toby smiles, obviously satisfied, and then he leaves his bedroom. He leaves the door open — probably on purpose. I fall back onto my side of the bed and let out a frustrated breath.

  “We should get some food and go watch TV in the basement,” Gabe says.

  “Yeah,” I agree, getting off the bed.

  As we walk downstairs, I force myself not to overanalyze it. We kissed. We almost had sex. But that’s it. It doesn’t change anything. We’re just… friends… exes… who happened to give into feelings that we probably shouldn’t have.

  Still, I keep hearing Gabe’s words in my head.

  I need you.

  As much as I hate to admit it, I think I need him too.

  10 p.m.

  College plans.

  The credits on the movie are rolling.

  Gabe and I didn’t watch it. We just talked. About stupid stuff. Neither one of us talked about what almost happened in Toby’s room. I don’t think either one of us want to even think about it.

  But then suddenly, Gabe does want to talk about it.

  “I really did miss you a lot,” he tells me. “I know that I said I hated you, but I never did. I never stopped loving you, no matter how bad I wanted to. I always knew that someday you would be mine again.”

  “And maybe someday I will be yours, but I can’t right now,” I say. “It wouldn’t be fair to you if we were together. I couldn’t give you my whole heart. I know you probably won’t understand, but I really was in love with Brian. I hate that I was, because he didn’t deserve that love. He still has part of my heart. I’d give anything to talk to him — to know why he did that to me. Maybe I will never have closure when it comes to him, but I just need time to process.”

  “I understand,” he says. “But you should know that I’m willing to wait for you. Forever if I have to.”

  His words bring tears to my eyes.

  Gabe has every reason to hate me. If I were him, I would hate me. Yet, somehow, he doesn’t. He’s willing to forgive everything. He’s willing to be my everything. And he is exactly what I need.

  I lean over and rest my head on his shoulder. I don’t want to look him in the eye because I’m scared I could burst into tears at any moment.

  “So, did I tell you that I got into Berkeley,” Gabe says, changing the subject… like he knew exactly what I needed.

  I sit up. “No, that’s awesome! I got accepted there too. Stanford, Berkeley, and UCLA.”

  “Where are you going to go?”

  “I don’t know,” I answer. “Up until now, I was going to go to Stanford, but now I kind of don’t want to go there. Do you think it’s too late to change my mind?”

  “Not for you,” Gabe says. “You should go to Berkeley. Ty got accepted there too. Him and I are going to be roomies. You could come and we could party together during college. It would be great.”

  “Yeah. I think I will. I’ll call the admissions office on Monday morning,” I tell him. “They really wanted me. The only reason I chose Stanford was because Berkeley wanted me to do a bunch of interviews and stuff saying I was going there. I guess being the daughter of Mark Evers is kind of a big deal to them.”

  “So what. Do a few interviews, and then you’ll be done. We will have a lot of fun. Ty was thinking about joining a fraternity. I’m not so sure myself, but I am definitely excited about the frat parties I’ll get to go to because of Ty.”

  I can’t help but smile. “I never thought I’d actually get to go to college. Honestly, I thought I’d be dead by now. Frat parties sounds so… normal.”

  “You will definitely be going to college,” Gabe says. “The police will question Brian until he caves. We will find out who was paying him, and they’ll join him in prison. After that, you won’t have to worry about anything.”

  “You’re right. It will work out. Until then, I’ll just be on house arrest.”

  “You know, maybe we could talk your dad into letting you out.”

  “Yeah, right.”

  “I’m serious,” Gabe says. “Maybe if we all went somewhere together. Me, you, Toby, and Ty. We could even take a couple of security guys. Doesn’t spending the day anywhere but here sound fun? We could do whatever you want.”

  �
�I want to go to the mall and shop,” I say. “Then I want to go to the movies. And I want to go bowling. I want to go to a theme park. I want to go skydiving. I want to go to a party. I want to…”

  “Wow, okay, maybe we could start with one thing,” Gabe says, cutting me off. “Maybe we could start with the mall. We can go shopping and grab something to eat maybe?”

  I nod. “Okay.”

  “I’ll talk to your dad. Maybe we can go on Sunday or something.”

  “Sounds good.”

  Soon after that, Gabe goes home. Toby isn’t home from the party yet. I decide to just sleep in the basement instead of Toby’s room. He’s probably sick of me being in his space, and honestly, I do feel like being alone.

  I just wish being alone wasn’t so scary.

  Saturday, April 28

  11 a.m.

  I’m team Gabe.

  Somehow, against all odds, I end up falling asleep on the couch and don’t wake up until late on Saturday morning.

  I only wake up because I hear one of the maids cleaning up. I get off the couch and head upstairs. I go to my room for only a second to grab some clothes, and then I head to the guest bathroom to get a shower. There is no way that I can even think about showering in my own bathroom. Maybe things will be different when they catch the person who was paying Brian, but for now I just can’t.

  After getting my shower, I see Toby walking down the hall. He looks like he just woke up.

  “You know, I didn’t mean you couldn’t sleep in my bed anymore,” he says.

  “I know,” I say. “But I just needed to be alone last night.”

  “Understandable.”

  “So how was the party?” I ask.

  Toby shrugs. “I honestly can’t remember most of the night. I got completely wasted. I’m not even sure how I got home.”

  I laugh. “Wow.”

  “Yep. So how was… Gabe… last night?” He raises his eyebrows suggestively, like he’s expecting me to tell him that we had sex.

  “Nothing happened,” I say.

  “It sure looks like something was about to happen.”