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  I try not to be offended by his choice of words. “Is that all I am to you?”

  “You know you’re a lot more than just that.”

  I nod. “I do know. I just don’t get why you need to define our relationship so badly.”

  “Oh, God.”

  “What?” I ask.

  “I just realize that I turned into a girl,” he says. “I dated... or... fucked... this girl for a while. She kept trying to get me to DTR.”

  “DTR?” I ask.

  “Define the relationship,” he answers. “Finally, I got sick of her asking and told her if she wasn’t DTF to get out. She didn’t take that well and left.”

  “I wonder why...” I say sarcastically, my voice trailing off.

  I’m not sure that I like hearing about Ty’s previous sex life. I mean, obviously neither of us were virgins when we started sleeping together, but I would never tell him about sex with Gabe, at least not at this point in our relationship.

  Of course, considering Ty and Gabe are best friends that would definitely be awkward.

  “Hey, I’ve been waiting for you my whole life,” Ty says. “Even when I didn’t know it. It was always supposed to be you.”

  “I wish you wouldn’t say stuff like this,” I say. “It’s really sweet, but we aren’t together Ty. We’re just friends.”

  “Soon, we will be a lot more than just friends.”

  He says it, but I’m not so sure. I like things the way they are.

  I really hope I didn’t ruin our friendship by having sex with him. More than anything, I need Ty in my life. Just not as a boyfriend.

  Sunday, September 23

  7 p.m.

  Eternal kind of love.

  Ty, Gabe and I get back to campus early on Sunday evening, so I decide it’s time for a girls’ night. I’ve been around enough boys this weekend. Andrea comes to my dorm room because her roommate has her boyfriend over. Actually, she always has her boyfriend over. It annoys Andrea, but there really isn’t anything she can do about it.

  There is a knock on my door, so I get up and open it.

  “I hate her!” Andrea says, and then storms through my door.

  “Hi, to you too,” I say as I shut the door.

  “Hi,” she says, then takes a deep breath. “I found them on my bed this afternoon. MY BED!”

  “Talk to your RA. Tell them that this guy makes you uncomfortable,” I say.

  “I did. My RA said I should talk to my roommate about it and work things out with her. Like she will listen.” Andrea paces angrily back and forth. “Do you think I’d get in trouble if I shaved her head while she sleeps? Because if she’s ugly, I bet her boyfriend won’t want to have sex with her.”

  “You could probably go to jail for that,” I say. “Cutting somebody’s hair is probably considered a hate crime.”

  “How much jail time?” she asks, as if she’s truly considering it.

  “Andrea!”

  “Fine. You’re right,” she says, then looks at me. “So, how was your coming out party?”

  “Long. Boring. And my feet still hurt from the heels,” I say.

  “Any hot guys?”

  I nod. “A few. Until they opened their mouths. Rich guys suck.”

  “That sucks,” she says.

  “Yeah,” I agree. “But I did meet one guy who is pretty cool. His name is Micah. He goes to school here.”

  “Too bad both of your ex-boyfriends are so clingy.”

  I start to say that they’re not clingy, but they kind of are. My phone has gone off twice in the two minutes she’s been here. A text from Ty and a text from Gabe. I really have no argument.

  “I don’t want to date this guy,” I tell her. “I like being single. Besides, if I did want to date anybody, it would be Ty.”

  “You say that because you think you’re supposed to,” she says. “But it’s not true. If you wanted to date him, you would.”

  “I like Ty. A lot,” I say. “He makes me feel things that I have never felt before.”

  “It’s called lust.”

  I roll my eyes. “It’s more than that.”

  “Then what is it? Explain it to me.”

  I take a deep breath and try to think of how to start. “Ty and I dated. He was my first real boyfriend and he was my first kiss. But he cheated on me. I found him at homecoming with Jacqueline Hoff, the mean girl at my high school. She hated me.”

  “I had one of those too.”

  “Everybody does,” I say. “I broke up with Ty after that, but somehow we remained friends. Mostly because Ty is persistent. And he told me that losing me was the worst thing that ever happened to him. But I didn’t care. I was over him. I dated Gabe. Then Brian. Then Gabe again.”

  “Brian was the stalker, right?”

  I nod. “He was paid to stalk me. Once he went to jail, Ty’s dad had him killed.”

  “Wow.”

  “Yeah,” I say. “So, when everything went down with Mike Newman, Ty shot him to save me.”

  “So, he saved your life?”

  “Yeah, he did.”

  “I guess you just need to figure out if your feelings are real or not,” she says. “Ty likes you. A lot. Maybe he even loves you. So, you can’t drag him along if you don’t plan on ever making anything of this.”

  “Why do things have to change? I like them the way they are.”

  She bumps me playfully with her elbow. “You just like the sex.”

  “The sex is good.”

  Really good. Like, I will probably never find anybody as good as Ty Newman.

  “What is holding you back from Ty?” she asks.

  “Other than the fact that I like being single...” my voice trails off as I think about her question. “He cheated on me. And I know he would never do that now. I really do trust him. But if I take him back, I feel like I would somehow be letting down women all over the world.”

  “That’s just as excuse.”

  “I also don’t want to hurt Gabe any more than I already have,” I say. “Sex is one thing, but a relationship is huge. Gabe and I only broke up a month ago.”

  “How long did you and Gabe date?” she asks.

  “The first time around, we dated about a month. The second time we dated four months,” I answer.

  “That’s it? Because you make it seem like you dated for years or something.”

  “I only met them just over a year ago when I moved in with my dad,” I say.

  Have I really only known them a year? It seems like so much longer. I can’t imagine my life without Toby, Ty and Gabe in it, now.

  “I think a month is plenty of time to be single after dating somebody five months,” she says.

  “I’m just not sure if I want to be in a relationship. If Ty wants to be with me, then he will just have to respect that,” I say.

  “Fine,” she says. “Continue to string him on. Don’t come crying to me when you break the poor guy’s heart.”

  “I won’t,” I say.

  I really hope she’s wrong about my breaking Ty’s heart. That is absolutely the last thing that I want.

  “Personally, I think you’re with him because you like how much he likes you,” she says. “Ty Newman is crazy about you. I mean, like, eternal kind of love. The stuff that fairytales are made of. The—”

  I cut her off. “I get it.”

  And she’s right.

  Dang it.

  I need to figure out what I’m feeling for him and I need to do it fast.

  Wednesday, September 26

  1 p.m.

  I see you.

  On Wednesday, something magical happens.

  One of my teachers is sick.

  So there is no class for me that afternoon!

  I only feel slightly bad about the fact that I am rejoicing over her sickness. Really, I hope she feels better.

  On my way back to my room, my phone goes off with a text message. I look at it and see that it’s a text from Micah Miller, which I didn’t expect. I
actually kind of forgot about him. But I smile when I see the message, because I do want to be his friend. He’s a cool guy.

  Micah Miller: Hey. I see you.

  Me: You see me?

  I look around to see if I can spot him, but I don’t see him anywhere.

  I feel a tap on my shoulder, so I turn around and see him standing right behind me.

  Micah looks different in the daylight. He’s not wearing a suit. He just has on a pair of dark denim jeans and a black t-shirt that says ‘Vegans Rule’. His face isn’t clean shaven and he has a five o’clock shadow going on. I was right, it does look good on him. And in the sunlight, his blue eyes sparkle even more.

  I’m not wearing heels today, so he’s also much taller than I. I’m not a short girl. I’m five foot seven. But next to him, I feel tiny.

  “Hey,” he says. “Fancy seeing you here. No ball gown today?”

  “It’s at the cleaners,” I say, shrugging. “No suit?”

  He leans in closer. “Don’t tell my parents.”

  I laugh.

  “So what are you up to?” he asks.

  “My class was canceled,” I answer. “I was going to go grab some lunch.”

  “Well, that’s perfect. We can eat together,” he says, grinning big.

  “Okay.”

  “I know this really great vegetarian restaurant not too far off campus that has some really good vegan options,” he says.

  “So, you’re a vegan?” I ask. Not that I need him to say yes, it’s obvious, but I’m curious about his choice of lifestyle.

  “I am,” he answers. “My parents hate it, but I love the lifestyle. I’ve been vegan for about two and a half years now. It’s amazing how much more energy I have now that I eat only plant based foods.”

  “What made you decide to give up animal products?”

  “A paper I did in high school,” he answers. “It was for debate. I had to argue from the point of a vegan, and after doing all the research, I decided to quit eating meat. Not just because of the mistreatment of animals, but also for my body. Meat is very bad for you. Did you know some meats stay inside your body for a whole week?”

  “I didn’t,” I say, feeling sick. “But that is disgusting. What do you eat?”

  “I live a high carb, low fat, vegan lifestyle. Ninety percent of my diet consists of fruit,” he explains. “Five percent is nuts and seeds. The other five percent is greens, which is where my protein comes from.”

  “That’s a lot of fruit.”

  “It took a while to adjust to it, but now I can’t get enough fruit.”

  “Doesn’t fruit make you fat?” I ask, because a lot of fruits are high in sugar.

  He shakes his head at me. “Society has brainwashed us into believing that. It’s a lie. I eat around four thousand calories a day. Do I look fat?”

  “No, definitely not,” I say, looking at his body. It’s a really good body.

  I need to start eating some fruit. Because, seriously. Fruit has been very nice to him.

  “Want to take my car?” he asks.

  “Sure,” I say, and follow him the opposite way from my dorm.

  “So... that guy you danced with after me...”

  “Ty?” I ask.

  “Yeah. Is he your boyfriend or something?” he asks.

  “Ex-boyfriend.”

  He nods. “I guess that explains why he was jealous.”

  “He wasn’t jealous,” I say, even though I don’t think what I’m saying is true. Ty was jealous. “Ty and I dated a long time ago. And I’ve dated a couple of guys since him. We’re just friends.”

  Friends who have sex.

  Really good sex.

  “He was jealous,” Micah says. “So, you’re over him?”

  “I’ve been over him for a long time. We broke up last November. He cheated on me,” I say.

  “So why are you friends with the guy?”

  I shrug. “He goes to school here too. So, we always hang out. And he saved my life.”

  “He saved your life?”

  “Yeah. It’s a long story, but his dad, Mike Newman, is crazy. He shot his dad to save my life.”

  “Wow,” Micah says. “I heard the senator went to jail for killing a bunch of people and for paying hit men to kill other people.”

  “Yeah, it had been going on for a while. Long before I moved to Mountain View,” I say. “But when I moved there he kind of went a little more crazy. My dad had an affair with his wife. He killed his wife. And I guess he thought my dad needed to pay for what he did, so, basically, Ty’s dad paid people to stalk me and watch my every move. Including one of my ex-boyfriends.”

  “You have had a lot of bad boyfriends.”

  “I’m single now,” I say. “And I love it.”

  “How long have you been single?”

  “Actually, one month today,” I answer.

  “Wait... so your last boyfriend was the one paid to stalk you?” Micah asks.

  “No. My ex is Gabe Johnson,” I say. “He goes to school here, too.”

  “I know Gabe. He was at your party this weekend.”

  I nod. “His family is close to mine. Unfortunately, I can’t seem to get away from him. Not that I want to completely, we’re friends, but I’d kind of like for us to get past the awkward stage.”

  “So, what happened between you and Gabe?”

  “The first time, he broke up with me because he wasn’t over his ex-girlfriend who died. The second time, my stalker sort of forced me to dump him. I mean, our relationship was already pretty crappy. He lied to me a lot,” I explain. “And the third time, I broke up with him. I’m just... not in love with him anymore. I didn’t think it was fair to drag the relationship on if I didn’t see a future with him.”

  “Did you come to Berkeley because of him?”

  I think about his question and I want to say no, but I can’t.

  First, I was going to go to Stanford. But that was because of Brian. I wanted to be close to him. After we broke up, I decided on Berkeley. I couldn’t go to Stanford after everything that happened.

  “Technically, Gabe and I weren’t dating when I chose Berkeley,” I say. “But he’s sort of the reason I’m here. Well, he and Ty. I wanted to be close to my friends. And my stepbrother is coming here next year. Plus, I’m sort of close to home. I like to go see my baby sister as much as I can.”

  We get to Micah’s car and he opens the door for me.

  Micah’s car isn’t brand new. In fact, it’s a classic car. It’s nice and obviously very expensive. The outside is cherry red. And I’m not sure what kind of car it is, but it looks like a Mustang.

  “What model of car is this?” I ask.

  “It’s a 1969 Boss 429,” he answers as he starts the car. “Was this what you were expecting?”

  I shake my head. “After all the vegan talk, I figured you’d drive a hybrid or something.”

  “I love cars. I don’t think I could ever own a hybrid,” he says.

  “I had a Porsche 911 Turbo when I first moved here,” I tell him. “But I had my dad trade it before I came to college. There was no way I could travel back and forth in a car like that. I wouldn’t even have room for luggage.”

  “What do you have now?” he asks.

  “A Range Rover. I like it.”

  “You should’ve kept the Porsche to drive around in Mountain View on the weekends.”

  “Actually, I asked my dad to trade it in.”

  “Why?” he asks, his mouth slightly open.

  “Because I’m eighteen years old. I don’t need two cars,” I answer. “Besides, I felt kind of guilty. It’s too excessive.”

  “You should never feel guilty for having money,” he says.

  “I don’t have money. My dad does.”

  “Same difference.”

  “No, it’s not. I didn’t earn any money.”

  “Do you have a credit card?” he asks.

  “Of course.”

  “Whose name is on it?”
<
br />   “Mine, or else I couldn’t use it. I don’t even get the bill. My dad does,” I say.

  “Have you ever gotten in trouble for spending too much money?”

  “No.” Mostly because I don’t spend that much. I get gas, food, and occasionally clothes with it. But that’s it. I don’t need anything. Even when I buy the clothes, I don’t need them. Veronica usually makes sure that I have plenty of clothes.

  “Do you have a trust fund?” he asks.

  “I suppose. I don’t know for sure. I’ve never actually talked to my dad about it. I really don’t care, either way.”

  “Either way, when you graduate college you could live off of your trust fund,” he says. “You won’t because that is just the kind of girl you are. But you would be set for life. It doesn’t matter if you earned it, because you will have it. It’s one of the few rich kid perks.”

  “I guess,” I say, thinking about what he’s saying about rich kid perks. As much as I hate to admit it, there are a lot of perks. “You know, when I was younger I used to stress out about college. My mom had some money set aside for me, but not nearly enough to cover my full tuition. When I found out about my dad, I knew that college wasn’t going to be something I’d have to worry about. I knew that he would pay for it. But then, Berkeley contacted me. They said that if I let them release to the press that I was going to college here, they’d pay my tuition. I even get my own room. All because they want to put my name in a magazine, and say I go here. That’s just crazy.”

  “You did it, though.”

  I nod. “I guess because I felt like my dad had done enough for me already. I didn’t want to cost him even more money.”

  “But he can afford it. Your dad is really rich.”

  “I know,” I say. “He is paying for Ty’s college tuition because of me. I’m glad I got the scholarship so I wouldn’t cost him double.”

  “Your dad is paying for your ex-boyfriend to go to college?”

  “Because Ty’s dad is in jail and his mom is dead. He doesn’t get his trust fund until he’s twenty-one, so there was no way he could’ve paid for college,” I say. “Plus, he did save my life.”

  “You know, you have a pretty crazy life,” he says.